Monday, August 23, 2010

Donut hole drama

photo from Orange County Register

Yesterday we had little girl drama at church, and it was all over donut holes. I'll spare you the details, but sufffice it to say that there were tears and two little girls who left church early very very sad. Okay, that's a little bit too vague. I'll give a little detail. We grabbed the last donut holes out of the foyer before the service started, but there was some misunderstanding about sharing and one girl ended up having gotten more donut holes than the other. And since we had grabbed the last ones, there was no running back and grabbing a few extra to even things up.

My attempts to help Liv help the other little girl feel better only resulted in Liv feeling worse. I suggested that she give the little girl on the Silly Bandz on her wrist, or perhaps her treat from Children's Time. I didn't realize that Liv already felt rotten about unintentionally making the other little girl sad, so she took my suggestions as me giving her a punishment. So then she was reduced to tears, and then we have to make our own exit.

Eventually we talked it all through. In the hallway, in the bathroom, and in the car. What I realized through the whole discussion is that my little girl is me made over. I've always known that she is intense and has sensitive emotions, but I didn't realize until then exactly how much. Just like me, she's quick to feel guilt and to feel it strongly. She felt so bad about the donut incident that her stomach was tied up in knots. And because she already blamed herself, my attempts at helping her achieve a happy ending were turned inside out and back on herself as even more blame. My poor girl!

The happy side of this whole thing going down is that I now know better how to handle my daughter's feelings and protect her gentle spirit from her own inward-facing assaults. Of course, the guilt-ridden side of me is thinking back to every time in her 6 years that I've lost my temper, or sighed audibly at the thought of getting up "one more time" to help her with something, or any other time I may have inadvertantly hurt her feelings. Like mother, like daughter, right??

Oh, and the donut drama? It ended up with a trip to the bakery and two sugar-iced flower cookies, and the girls sharing them over a little kid-sized table in the playroom. And an impromptu playdate with baby dolls and girl time.

Happy children. Healed feelings. Sugar rushes all around.

All is good.



elizabeth @ twelvecrafts said...

We had the exact same situation except our donut holes were candy kisses. Isn't it amazing how we see ourselves in our kids?!

Denise Felton said...

You. Rock. Mama.

Janna said...

You are such a great mom.